I ran ten miles this week. More so for my mind than my body.
Sometimes that is my only escape from my anxiety.
Running away -- both literally and figuratively.
I have dealt with anxiety for as long as I could remember. My mother would tell me there was no gain in being a "worry wart." I was in kindergarten when she told me that. What would a five-year-old have to be worried about?
As I get older, my anxiety has found a way to advance itself against me.
A few months ago, I wrote a Crystal's Corner about my personal bouts with anxiety and panic attacks. I felt like I lifted a heavy chain off my chest by writing it. It allowed me to explore the downfalls of my own mind and look them square in the eye. I have been reluctant to share it because it places me on a level of vulnerability that even my more candid posts can't compete with.
Anxiety makes me feel like my head is caught in a muddy cloud while a concrete wall is closing in on me. While I scream at the top of my lungs for help, I have no voice. There is no sound.
Panic attacks -- when they do show their face -- convince me death is certain in that moment.
People say I am too young for a heart attack, but if ever my body wanted to know how one felt, my panic attacks have given me great insight.
I have taken note of what triggers these episodes. Luckily, I have found when I sync my mind and soul they occur less often. When I exercise, eat right and sleep well they are also less dominating.
I am a strong, educated and self-aware woman. Some view anxiety, depression and panic attacks as a weakness. I, however, view those uneducated comments as being weak.
Mental illness is not an option. I didn't raise my hand in grade school hoping to get picked by it. In fact over the years I have seen it as hereditary. My family and I unfortunately have weekly if not daily confrontations with this beast.
We win some. We lose some. But our biggest weapon is recognizing it for what it is and moving forward. We do that with the help of prayer, meditation and our resounding faith in God.
I end this blog with a word of encouragement and hope from the last place I thought I would find it.
After being on the phone with Sprint for three days straight hoping to resolve ongoing issues and miscommunication, I was mentally fatigued to say the least.
It was one of those days when you plan to rest and take care of yourself and then find yourself taking care of bills and being placed on hold again and again, being rerouted, explaining your issue over and over and battling it out with automative services.
I decided I was going to move on to another carrier after being a Sprint customer for the past 13 years.
But before I did it was one last call with a customer service rep named Jeremiah who changed my mind -- about a lot of things.
"Mam, I am so sorry you have had so much trouble with us lately and I understand how frustrating that can be," he said.
After an almost two-hour phone call with him -- the first employee to fix, handle and empathize on a professional level -- I decided to stay."
"Thank you for your help," I told him. "You have excellent customer service, you have been so kind and single-handedly changed my mind to stay with Sprint."
Despite a throbbing headache, I took a deep breath and felt relief knowing I had resolved all that I could that day. But it was what this random customer service agent working out of Central America told me that gave me chills. Because after talking gigabytes and iPhones, he didn't have to say any of this:
"No problem mam," he said. "Life is hard enough. There is no need for miscommunication and frustration. I have been working at Sprint for six months, but I have been in customer relations for a long time...before that I was a teacher."
I just listened to him forgetting I was on the phone with Sprint.
"We all need to just relax and live life," he said. "I find that my life runs smoothly when my mind, spirit and body are in tune with each other. When I am working out, eating healthy, sleeping right and connected spiritually -- that is when everything falls into its place. I am glad I could help you today and I hope you have a blessed rest of your day."
"Thank you," my voice cracked. "You have been so helpful and inspiring."
"I hope you like your new phones and I hope that you get all that you want out of life and reach your dreams. Like I said, life is hard enough, we all need to be here for each other."
I told him thanks and God bless.
I hung up the phone and just sat their in disbelief. What just happened? Who was that?
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that God spoke through him in that hour.
God used the last phone call I felt like making in my favor.
In one of the most unlikely places I would have sought after, I found peace of mind.
So thank you Jeremiah with Sprint. Jake from State Farm is overrated.
And thank you God for always reminding, nudging and winking at me through the eyes and lips of your angels.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-JEREMIAH 29:11
