Ladybugs and People

For those that know me well, know I love tiny animals and have a serious case of cute aggression! Basically, I am Elmira from Tiny Toon cartoons minus the craziness. Well...I don't know. 

I was scrolling through something online and saw a picture of a ladybug and it reminded of my brothers. When I was little I would get so excited to catch one. I felt like I could give it the perfect little home with some water and grass in a plastic cup. But by the time my clumsy little hands tried to prepare that and actually catch it -- it would fly away from me. 

I would chase it and chase it. (You see what I'm saying here?) I remember my brothers would see how hard I tried and they would tell me to show them where the ladybug was. I'd show them. Then they would do something that made so much sense to me at the time, but today makes me cringe. 

He'd carefully grab the ladybug and under its pretty little, red-spotted shell-like body, he'd pull its little black wings off. He'd smile and say, "There now he can't get away from you!"

Photo Jamie Austin

Wow. My brothers are just so smart and they are the best! Just like that, I had a little beetle friend and was going to take care of it forever! 

On the other hand, now the ladybug was unable to take care of its eggs, unable to fulfill its little 1-2 year lifespan and unable to be a ladybug because of my selfish, twisted idea thinking I was taking care of it when I was actually harming it. But at the time, this was irrelevant, it was about me and what I wanted.

My brothers were teenagers at the time and would probably never do that again. I asked them if they remembered and my brother Andy said, "That's an easy memory."

And I'm just talking tiny bugs. But what if you're dealing with your own ladybug problems in your life right now? Whose wings have you pulled off recently? 

 My other brother Gabriel joked, "That's what big brothers are for. Too bad your favorite boyfriends didn't have wings." And that's just the thing. Thank God my brothers never pulled the wings off my ex-boyfriends just so I would be happy. Some people aren't meant to stay in your life. Some are, but fly away for a bit.

 

"If deep down you know you don't belong there then trust yourself. Don't trap yourself."

As I scroll through my timeline I often come across posts that deal with relationship issues, trust issues or insecurities about a loved one. 

Sometimes when we want what we want, we do everything we can to make sure it doesn't leave us. What would we do without them? How will our lives carry on seamlessly? It goes back to the cliche, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, then it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

That concept would have been tough for my five-year-old mind to comprehend, but what it is today -- is quite simply great advice. 

I realize that the parallel I'm making is somewhat different when it comes to the innocent and childish intentions I had of simply capturing a ladybug as compared to a broken marriage, distant family member or lost friendship. But as adults we need to recognize we are fully capable of making the right decision, yet we still find ourselves running aimlessly with our hands out.

If you're struggling to let go of a person who otherwise wants nothing to do with you, you have to be an adult about the situation. Tearing their wings off and making them stay in your life is going to be more grudge and regret than peace and understanding. 

If you're holding on to just threads of what was once a quilted relationship, you have to let go. 

It's a miserable sight to see someone stay in something they despise and the other person to be content with just barely making it work. You're going to end up with a cup filled with wilted grass, dirty water and a ladybug on its back. Don't be a grown-up brat. It's not just about you and what you want. Think about other people. Are they happy?

Don't stay in something because it's familiar or what you're used to. Don't let someone guilt you into staying either. If deep down you know you don't belong there then trust yourself. Don't trap yourself.

Whose wings have you pulled off? Or is it yours that are missing? 

You shouldn't hold ladybugs hostage. 

So don't do it to people.

LETGOd.

The Lens of The Lord

The same God who beautifully created the highest mountains, deepest oceans, tallest forests and the endless dunes of the desert...is the same God who created me and gave me life. So who am I to be unhappy with who I am -- when I was created by the Hand of God? 

Many times we question ourselves inside-out. Are we good enough? Do we fit society's norm? Are we qualified enough? Are we lovable? Likable? Are we kind enough? Smart enough? Rich enough? Does anyone even care about us? What if we had this? What if we looked like that? Enough is enough. We get what we think we deserve and each one of us deserves ALL GOOD. 

Sometimes you really have to stare hard at the raw beauty and intricate face of nature to understand who you are through Christ and what you're made of. 

Do you remember when you were little, drawing a sun with rays over a mountain, green grass and maybe a river running through it? Now compare your final piece of work to the real thing. Doesn't even come close, right? 

The way you see yourself, is the same way that one-dimensional drawing looks. There is so much more to you. See yourself for what you really are. Because you are wonderfully made through Christ. 

We are able to see the very best in other people, but we often sell ourselves short and that's disheartening. There is so much more beyond the surface of who we are that isn't always accurately captured, as in the comparison of the two pictures. When we really come to know the depth of our beauty, the heights of our potential and the endless possibilities we have in this lifetime, then we able to live confidently in our own skin. Today, we are blinded by societal standards and blocked by our own self-given boundaries. "I can't!" Or "I'm not good enough." The way you should view yourself is through the Lens of the Lord. The real thing. You are that sun with beaming rays, the green of the grass and the greatness of those mountains. An indescribable beauty, with unmatched detail and perfection all done from the fingertips of the Greatest. 

I was feeling insecure about a job opportunity, but then realized if it is in fact meant to be, then it will materialize. With that acceptance, I found peace in knowing if the shoes seem to big to fill, ultimately, God has the final say in what I can truly achieve as He is my only promoter. He not only has the power to open closed doors, but to create pathways where deadend signs once were. 

I am worthy. I am capable. I am perfectly made. It shouldn't be up to other people where we stand in this life. The power in it all comes from the realization that we are perfect...just how we are. 

The day we die, hopefully we will not shake our heads at what could have been if we would have only acted out in faith while we lived, instead of just muttering it under our breath claiming to fully know its impact. Have faith that you are beautifully made inside-out, because your faith revolves around The Lord. 

So while you may not always be in front seat to endless streams, crashing waterfalls, breathtaking sunsets and a green pastures...

The next time you want an accurate reflection of who you really are, don't just look in the mirror, but go outside and look around at the detail of a butterfly's wings, the beauty of a red rose sprouting or the simple, but massive blue sky. The same Artist that painted the beauty of this world...created you. 

On an incredibly smaller scale, the works of Van Gogh and Picasso are inarguably masterpieces. No one would doubt the creations from either wouldn't be short of magnificent. So why question God's ability to create you with the same stroke of the brush that made the beauty of the world? 

May you shake whatever is bringing you down today. Recognize your true beauty, your worth and your potential through Christ. 

#Godspeed #crystalscorner #truebeauty #philippians4:13 #faith 

Photo Credit: Adiyon Dominguez, Chad Ehlers

When You Want Something, You Get It.

Matthew 19:26

 

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

 

 * * * * *

 

 

Before the saying in the picture is taken out of context, I would like to explain where this saying has brought me this far in my life. These are just some of the instances. There's too many to list.

The first time I told myself, "When you want something, you get it!" I was 14-years-old. It was the cheerleader in me and the Christian in me coming together to create the perfect pep-talk for where I wanted my life to go. 

I focused on journalism in high school and even as a young teenager knew I was destined for that career path. I was incredibly intimidated by college, but I still wanted to do more. Something different. Another challenge. So I decided to take it one step further and leave town. I wanted to be the first of the six kids to continue my education at a different university, in a different city. The thing was, I had never been away from my tight-nit family before. I didn't have a car and I wasn't financially stable enough to be on my own at 18-years-old. But I promised myself I would stick to my short term goals in high school, so I could see that long term goal materialize. 

In my final years in high school, with the helpful advising from my journalism teacher, I told her and others that  I wanted to focus on sports broadcasting and one day work for ESPN. To some it sounded crazy, to those that knew me very well...it sounded like something I would say. To me -- consider it done. And not in the materialistic, bratty type of way. I'm talking hard work, long hours, tough days and an elbow-greasing work ethic. Because ultimately, what you think about you bring about.

Time flew by. "When you want something, you get it!" Was written on my text books, scribbled on notepads,  lip-lined on my mirrors and posted on my bulletin boards in my dorms. The most inspiring was when I would fall victim to the tough days, and my own words were thrown back at me by my family and friends. So I kept going and going. I interned at about every TV and radio station in that town.

 

 

 

It was tough relying on my roommates to drive me around. I decided  I wanted a car. It didn't make much sense considering I was a broke college kid. But it was too late. I said I wanted it. I was determined to get one.

 

The Lord answered, "I can do anything! Watch and you'll see my words come true." -Numbers 11:23

 

One day during summer break, I went to New Mexico with my parents to visit my sister. We drove a couple hours away to Santa Fe. I stared at the miraculous spiral steps that were made of wood, water and pegs. I was at the Loretto Chapel. No one knew the man who built the steps, but it is said Saint Joseph did it himself. The structure and design was beyond it's time and is still to this day considered a magnificent display, which in a way, floats up without any support. I stared. Those Sisters of the Chapel were in need of a staircase. But the church was to small to fit one to reach up to the space intended for the choir above. It just didn't make sense and wasn't going to work. But those Sisters, they didn't give up. They made a novena to St. Joseph, the patron saint of carpenters. Out of nowhere, a man came with minimal tools, created it and left, unpaid. This is where I believe, when you want something so badly and you place your prayers and petitions in front of the Lord, He will bless you inline with the desires of your heart and as He sees fit.

 

 

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." -Matthew 7:7

 

 

We prayed together and asked God to hear our prayers. To give us a sign. We went to the gift shop and I just wondered around, ready to make the trip back to Albuquerque. I came across this green, beaded rosary that hung right in front of me. It caught my attention. So I decided to buy it. When my sister saw what I was getting, she said, "Did you even read this? It's for a car's rearview mirror! Why don't you get a different one?" 

 

I looked down at it. I was shocked. I had no idea. But He did. I felt a strange amount of joy and hope. I smiled and confidently said, "I know. It's because I'm going to get a car in a couple of months. This is for my car."

 

She raised her eyebrows, tried to cover up a confused chuckle when she saw I was serious and then shook her head as to say okay, okay whatever.

 

A couple months later, I hung that green, beaded rosary in my red, 1999 Dodge Neon that I found on my own in great condition and paid in cash. Today, two cars later, this rosary still reminds me...

 

 

 

 

  * * * * *

My time in college away from home, was one of the biggest learning experiences of my life outside of the classroom. It toughened me up. Made me independent and molded me into who I am today.

 

And. Just. Like. That. 

 

I looked up at my entire family in the arena and walked across the stage in they city of Lubbock. I received my degree in Broadcast Journalism with a minor in Exercise and Sport Sciences from Texas Tech University. It worked. I got what I wanted.

 

A couple months later was my first TV gig in Amarillo. Then El Paso. Then I was hired by ESPN Dallas, and at the time it was owned and operated by Disney. In a huge sports city. The real deal. An amazing experience.

 

 

Then it was ESPN El Paso. Today, It's ESPN San Antonio. With a whole lot of little goals met in between. All because of that saying.

 

And now...

Whatever I pray, want, need, hope for and work hard for...

well, that's next.

 

;)

"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

 

 

 

#crystalscorner

 

BAD DAYS

Sometimes you just have incredibly bad days. I'm not talking about the life-changing, tragic days. But just flat out bad...days. 

And that's okay. 

As long as you recognize and accept they are bound to happen...You'll be okay. You won't know what will trigger them, why or when they'll happen. But just try your best to deal with life's adversities. Just ACCEPT the fact you won't skip through life whistling the entire time. There will be those pebbles, stones and sometimes boulders that trip you, knock you down and block you. And as long as you can prepare yourself as much as humanly possible, you may or may not be able to gracefully ride through it. 

I went face-first into a boulder yesterday. But it's behind me now. To be completely honest, it looks much smaller behind me then it did head-on. Now I'm skipping again. Well...maybe not skipping, more like limping, but either way I'm still moving forward. Trying to shake the anger, frustration and bad vibes from yesterday. I don't need to dirty the next day with that garbage! 

A saying I dislike is, "Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong!" I hate when people profess this out loud. Especially when only one small thing goes wrong. It's like an invitation for disaster. And guess what? You're hosting that pity party! You stubbed your toe and spilled your coffee and now you're caught up in a fender-bender because you couldn't let it go. Right? 

Our words are SO powerful. And if you viewed the air around you as millions of tiny messengers recording what you say, then flying off and spreading it around -- you might put more thought into what you let out of your mouth. Bad thoughts and words equal negativity and the good brings forth positivity. It's simple. We make it hard. 

Yesterday was a very bad day. So bad I couldn't even talk. Which is two things: shocking because I don't know how to shut up and a good thing based on those little messengers in the air around me. But my thoughts were just as wreckless. There's a song I love that is simple, but powerful. "Lord I Need You."

I find myself saying that out loud or in my thoughts when I'm anxious, tired or fearful. It's amazingly helpful and calming. It's something I hope more people do because it brings forth extraordinary peace. But I was so mentally exhausted and physically drained last night...I thought it, but couldn't even say that out loud. I couldn't materialize my thoughts into anything I could communicate. I was flat out defeated. I hit every dead end and ran face-first into every possible obstacle. Full speed. 

I wanted to cry. And looking back, everything that could of went wrong actually did. Its not that I said that out loud in that moment to create it, but most definitely my bad mood was a magnet to more unfortunate situations. However, even in the worst of that moment, I was glad I could recognize that the basis of it all was petty, even though it was a lot to handle alone. 

But I'm better for it today. I'll be better for it tomorrow. 

Today will be better. It will be good. Because that fine line that separated last night from this morning has some silver on it. 

Don't let bad days consume your life. Approach them with grace. We will fall victim to bad days, and we are allowed to have them, but like my mother always says, go lock yourself in your room and have that pity for a party for one. No one needs to be brought down with you. 

Always remember: What you think about and talk about you bring about!! What you think about and talk about you bring about!! What. You. Think. About. And. Talk. About. You. Bring. About!! 

I WILL SEE BETTER DAYS. I WILL HAVE SUFFICE GRACE TO HANDLE THE BAD DAYS. FOR BOTH THE SAME GOES...LORD I NEED YOU! 

http://youtu.be/LuvfMDhTyMA

Dancing with My Grandma

I stared down at the uneven wood floor. I was kind of worried she might slip. We were all in a circle, clapping, singing and dancing. Her feet were to the right of mine. Even though we were in public at a little Mexican restaurant in El Paso, it was okay that she was in her slippers, socks and nightgown. No one cared. I'm not even sure if anyone saw. 

*****

I went to sleep last night worried and scared to be alone. My dog was randomly barking as I was getting ready for bed. I had a strange, unsettling feeling. But I knew I could overcome anxiety with prayer. I was thinking too much. I heard my dad's voice in my head, so I got down on my knees to pray. I needed rest, but I mostly needed direction. Grateful for so many blessings, but I felt so lost. I needed clarity in my career, forgiveness for past mistakes and resolve in my relationships. I prayed for God's will instead of waiting on my plan. I got in bed and finally fell asleep. 

I could hear the radio in the background. I always sleep to soft music. It drifted in and out of my dreams. But the second my dreams took a turn, I couldn't hear anything but scanners, ringing phones and people yelling. I felt frozen in bed. 

I woke up in a cold sweat, but fell back into the same stressful dreams. I was tense. I knew I was dreaming, but the feelings were so familiar. A mix between school and my professional career, the pressures of meeting deadlines, male chauvinists criticizing my work, not making it to class on time and by the time the bell rang I didn't have a ride home. I was lost. 

*****

I saw her walk over to my best friend's grandma. How strange, it would be the first time our grandmothers would meet. No one else saw it, but her. My friend's grandma had tears running down her face as she swept the crooked, uneven wood floors. Overwhelmed and exhausted she said they didn't have enough help for the restaurant. As I looked around I realized she owned the place. I saw all the tables filled with guests and a line of people waiting to get in. But my best friend's family couldn't keep up with the demand. We didn't go there to eat, I wasn't really sure why we were there, but my grandma suggested we help entertain the crowd as they waited.

*****

I waited in front of the school as it cleared out long after the bell. I finally saw a couple friends and asked them for a ride home. School was only five minutes away from my house. She said sure, but she just had to stop in California first. What? That's strange. I could hear the soft music in the background again, falling in and out. Well, I thought to myself, it doesn't seem that far out of the way. After all, she was doing me a favor. 

On the road, the air was dry, cold and we were in the desert. I recognized we were still on the far westside of El Paso. This shouldn't take long. California isn't that far. But her car became so fragile, old and began to breakdown right in front of my eyes. We came to an unexpected stop. The starter clicked. And then...nothing. She was apologetic to us and said it never happened before. But seeing the door was about to fall off the hinges and the hood was gone, I played along and told her no worries, I was in no rush. But I knew, I really needed to get home. I just wasn't sure for what. 

The sun was going down. It was getting cold, dark and scary. As the car was smoking from the engine, the desert ground seemed like the better place to lie down as we waited for help. Except I didn't remember calling anyone. And where did we get the blankets? I wasn't sure, but I was so happy we all had them. How long would we be there? I needed to get home.

I stared at the stars. I could hear my friends laughing. Not sure why they weren't worried, but glad to hear they were at ease and in good spirits. In that moment everything seemed so different.

I felt so tiny. I felt so strange. The huge sky was about to swallow me whole. But I knew where I was at. I could see the mountains in the distance. I was far enough to be scared, but close enough to home that I felt a sense of peace. That's when I heard her voice and she told me it would be okay and to just be patient.

I looked up surprised as she grabbed a blanket to lay down with me. I was so happy to see my grandma. I didn't remember her being in the car. But however she got there in the desert with us was okay with me! I told her how much I missed her. I stared at her face, her curly dark and gray hair, her distinct eyebrows, shiny-blushed cheekbones and her floral-patterned nightgown. Just like I remembered. She wrapped her arms around me. I wondered if I had fallen asleep in my own dream. 

*****

The car started. We all packed in. I questioned if we left with one new passenger or if we had stalled out with her in the car. Either way, I was happy she was with me. 

As we rode back into town. The sun was up, it was warm and I felt a sense of relief. There was no longer a rush to get home. She was now behind the wheel. I took a deep breath and exhaled. I don't think I had ever been in a car with my grandma as the driver. But this time, I was. She was the same witty, stubborn and graceful woman driving with such authority, confidence and with such ease. 

We stopped to drop off my friend at her family's restaurant. I guess I never knew they had one, but when I saw the heavy burden it placed on them, it made me so sad to see her parents and her grandmother struggle. 

That's when my grandma let go of my hand, and yelled to everyone, "Let's dance! Just dance as you wait to be served!" 

It was a little out of the ordinary, but without delay everyone abided. We were in circles, laughing, singing and clapping! I stared down at my grandma's slippers and wondered if she had them on the whole time. Everyone was taking turns dancing in the middle. Strangers all laughing and dancing together. There was not a social divide that made it weird. Just pure happiness. My grandma was eager to go next. But she'd never been able to walk without using her walker or get up without assistance -- not that I can remember anyway. The wood floors were uneven and I didn't want her to fall so I grabbed her hand. Cumbia music was playing and I knew this adamant woman was about to dance like no one was watching. To my surprise she said it would be okay, so I let go of her hand. There she was, like Ms. America as she would say, drawing in all the attention, her smile, her contagious laughter and her body moved so fluidly across the floor. I stared at her. It was mesmerizing how happy and carefree she was. She looked so strong and sturdy. She pulled me onto the dance floor with her. I felt like a little kid again. 

*** 

I started to hear the faint music in the background again. I knew it was coming from my bedroom and not my dream. I didn't want to wakeup. I wanted to keep dancing with her. But as she slipped into the crowd, I peacefully slipped out of my dream. 

I stared at my blankets. My dog came up to me and just stared at my face. My radio was louder than I thought. I could hear one of my favorite songs on. To live like you are dying. 

http://youtu.be/XiOcW_YR1G8

   

There was no doubt my grandma came to me in my dream to remind me: no matter who, how tough the road, how lost you can feel, scared or how uncertain you are about what the future holds, approach everyday with gratitude, live everyday like your last. And then another song came to mind. Remember when one door shuts another door will open and when you get the chance - 

I hope you dance. 

     Carmen Fierro Campos 1919-2008

A Sign From God

A friend called me while I was driving on a busy highway in Dallas. I pulled over and parked near a gas station because I could tell she was not doing well based on the tone in her voice. She said they found a lump in her breast. Her whole life flooded into her thoughts both past and future. What if I die?

She's young and never thought she could be dealing with a potential fight with cancer. She... told me they were going to test her the following day to see if it was benign or not. The anxiety in her voice was thick. I usually can talk and talk, but I was at a loss for words. I didn't know how to comfort her. I didn't want silence between us.

I stared at the digital sign that displayed gas prices. It read,"3.17."

Please God give me the words! At that very moment the price changed in front of my eyes and so did the silence.  It now read,"3.16." Literally, He gave me a sign. Wow. 

It all came to me. John 3:16. I told her God gave His only begotten son so that we may have eternal life. ETERNAL LIFE. Why must we be so scared when disease and illness come knocking at our door? Young or old. He tells us not to fear. He won't give us anything we can't handle. I understand our human flesh falls victim to negative thoughts, anxiety and we fear the unknown. It is frightening to think we might have a serious disease that could lead to death. But...We will not perish. I didn't tell her, "Don't worry you don't have cancer." Because that's not something I knew. But I do know our God is bigger than all of that and has already conquered our battles. So I did tell her no matter what happens, it's going to be okay. Jesus died so that we would live. I was reminded of the bigger picture through John 3:16. 

 My message wasn't about the possibility of death based on her circumstance. It was about the opportunity of life no matter what. That next day she told me it was benign. I was happy for her. That was a couple months ago. Today she has another appointment. She asked me to pray for her. I did. But no matter what -- she WILL be okay. 

It's a strange way to see things. But when you look at the bigger picture, it all becomes so clear. Why do we fear death? I recognize we don't want to lose people here on Earth that we want with us. But I'd rather look at the glass half full. It's an invitation to Heaven and who am I to tell God when I'm coming Home? When you're going Home? Whether it's one breath and your newborn leaves your arms or 100 years and your parents time here is over, their lives have truly just begun. Life proceeds death and death proceeds -- the afterlife. 

I sat in my car. We both felt a amazing sense of comfort not just in what John 3:16 represents, but because God told us He was right there with us. Even in two different cities, He was a part of our conversation. He gave me the message to relay to her through a sign.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16