Crystal's Corner
After 10 years, a revamp of an old high school column, Crystal's Corner, with the same true, inspiring and witty opinions of life, love, faith and hardship.
Friday, March 10, 2017
My Mind
Sometimes that is my only escape from my anxiety.
Running away -- both literally and figuratively.
I have dealt with anxiety for as long as I could remember. My mother would tell me there was no gain in being a "worry wart." I was in kindergarten when she told me that. What would a five-year-old have to be worried about?
As I get older, my anxiety has found a way to advance itself against me.
A few months ago, I wrote a Crystal's Corner about my personal bouts with anxiety and panic attacks. I felt like I lifted a heavy chain off my chest by writing it. It allowed me to explore the downfalls of my own mind and look them square in the eye. I have been reluctant to share it because it places me on a level of vulnerability that even my more candid posts can't compete with.
Anxiety makes me feel like my head is caught in a muddy cloud while a concrete wall is closing in on me. While I scream at the top of my lungs for help, I have no voice. There is no sound.
Panic attacks -- when they do show their face -- convince me death is certain in that moment.
People say I am too young for a heart attack, but if ever my body wanted to know how one felt, my panic attacks have given me great insight.
I have taken note of what triggers these episodes. Luckily, I have found when I sync my mind and soul they occur less often. When I exercise, eat right and sleep well they are also less dominating.
I am a strong, educated and self-aware woman. Some view anxiety, depression and panic attacks as a weakness. I, however, view those uneducated comments as being weak.
Mental illness is not an option. I didn't raise my hand in grade school hoping to get picked by it. In fact over the years I have seen it as hereditary. My family and I unfortunately have weekly if not daily confrontations with this beast.
We win some. We lose some. But our biggest weapon is recognizing it for what it is and moving forward. We do that with the help of prayer, meditation and our resounding faith in God.
I end this blog with a word of encouragement and hope from the last place I thought I would find it.
After being on the phone with Sprint for three days straight hoping to resolve ongoing issues and miscommunication, I was mentally fatigued to say the least.
It was one of those days when you plan to rest and take care of yourself and then find yourself taking care of bills and being placed on hold again and again, being rerouted, explaining your issue over and over and battling it out with automative services.
I decided I was going to move on to another carrier after being a Sprint customer for the past 13 years.
But before I did it was one last call with a customer service rep named Jeremiah who changed my mind -- about a lot of things.
"Mam, I am so sorry you have had so much trouble with us lately and I understand how frustrating that can be," he said.
After an almost two-hour phone call with him -- the first employee to fix, handle and empathize on a professional level -- I decided to stay."
"Thank you for your help," I told him. "You have excellent customer service, you have been so kind and single-handedly changed my mind to stay with Sprint."
Despite a throbbing headache, I took a deep breath and felt relief knowing I had resolved all that I could that day. But it was what this random customer service agent working out of Central America told me that gave me chills. Because after talking gigabytes and iPhones, he didn't have to say any of this:
"No problem mam," he said. "Life is hard enough. There is no need for miscommunication and frustration. I have been working at Sprint for six months, but I have been in customer relations for a long time...before that I was a teacher."
I just listened to him forgetting I was on the phone with Sprint.
"We all need to just relax and live life," he said. "I find that my life runs smoothly when my mind, spirit and body are in tune with each other. When I am working out, eating healthy, sleeping right and connected spiritually -- that is when everything falls into its place. I am glad I could help you today and I hope you have a blessed rest of your day."
"Thank you," my voice cracked. "You have been so helpful and inspiring."
"I hope you like your new phones and I hope that you get all that you want out of life and reach your dreams. Like I said, life is hard enough, we all need to be here for each other."
I told him thanks and God bless.
I hung up the phone and just sat their in disbelief. What just happened? Who was that?
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that God spoke through him in that hour.
God used the last phone call I felt like making in my favor.
In one of the most unlikely places I would have sought after, I found peace of mind.
So thank you Jeremiah with Sprint. Jake from State Farm is overrated.
And thank you God for always reminding, nudging and winking at me through the eyes and lips of your angels.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-JEREMIAH 29:11
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Airports
At the airport. It's never easy to leave home. But I sometimes find peace through complete strangers.
I look around and I see so many different faces, different ways of life, worried faces, happy faces and those who are in tears -- it is where I find a different sense of comfort.
Knowing at that moment complete strangers can relate to how I might be feeling. Knowing that gut-wrenching feeling seeing someone trying to make it on a flight with bad news on the otherside of their destination. Watching a parent hug their daughter or son goodbye. Hearing a child cry because they don't want their father to leave for work. But then there is that feeling of pure joy seeing two people run up to eachother and hug eachother. A soldier running to hold his kids. A group of college kids and their contagious laughter about to step out on an adventure.
I once heard someone say airports and hospitals are the two places you will hear the most sincere goodbyes. If these walls could talk...
All these people around me, we all woke up today. We all had a different journey up to this point. We all have different worries, struggles, anxieties...we never truly know what the next person is dealing with. Sometimes I silently pray for strangers. I wonder if anyone is silently praying for me. Considering how blessed I feel, I must be surrounded everyday by a dedicated group of prayer warriors.
The power of prayer is just that -- POWERFUL.
Being in a public place and observing people can teach you a lot. Our own worries and struggles are not to be dismmised because they may pale in comparison to those we see having "real problems." But our worries and struggles are still our own. Our feelings are never wrong. Instead what it does, is it puts things into perspective when you see how very blessed you are in the presence of complete strangers.
So thank you God that today I am not the scared teenager sitting across from me who looks like they're headed back to school. I remember those days. I've been blessed enough to be able to say that I have been through that stage with God -- conquered it. Thank you God that I am standing and waiting in a long line and not in a wheelchair. Thank you God that leaving my family is still a choice I have made for my career and not a mandatory deployment like my brother-in-law had to make. Thank you God that I am sad right now, not because of anything bad that happened, but because I am gonna miss my amazing, tight-nit family who loves and supports me unconditonally.
Do the little things that can make a huge impact on the life of a stranger. Smile. Hold the door. Conversate. Compliment someone. Offer a helping hand. You'll never know how far that will take the next person.
Be someone's blessing today.
#LETGOd #CrystalsCorner
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Tileman
Albert Campos |
“ . . .people have a tendency to think you don’t know what you are doing.”
Albert Campos 1917-1996 |
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Ladybugs and People
He'd carefully grab the ladybug and under its pretty little, red-spotted shell-like body, he'd pull its little black wings off. He'd smile and say, "There now he can't get away from you!"
My other brother Gabriel joked, "That's what big brothers are for. Too bad your favorite boyfriends didn't have wings." And that's just the thing. Thank God my brothers never pulled the wings off my ex-boyfriends just so I would be happy. Some people aren't meant to stay in your life. Some are, but fly away for a bit.
"If deep down you know you don't belong there then trust yourself. Don't trap yourself."
Whose wings have you pulled off? Or is it yours that are missing?
LETGOd.
Monday, July 28, 2014
The Lens of The Lord
The same God who beautifully created the highest mountains, deepest oceans, tallest forests and the endless dunes of the desert...is the same God who created me and gave me life. So who am I to be unhappy with who I am -- when I was created by the Hand of God?
Many times we question ourselves inside-out. Are we good enough? Do we fit society's norm? Are we qualified enough? Are we lovable? Likable? Are we kind enough? Smart enough? Rich enough? Does anyone even care about us? What if we had this? What if we looked like that? Enough is enough. We get what we think we deserve and each one of us deserves ALL GOOD.
Sometimes you really have to stare hard at the raw beauty and intricate face of nature to understand who you are through Christ and what you're made of.
Do you remember when you were little, drawing a sun with rays over a mountain, green grass and maybe a river running through it? Now compare your final piece of work to the real thing. Doesn't even come close, right?
The way you see yourself, is the same way that one-dimensional drawing looks. There is so much more to you. See yourself for what you really are. Because you are wonderfully made through Christ.
We are able to see the very best in other people, but we often sell ourselves short and that's disheartening. There is so much more beyond the surface of who we are that isn't always accurately captured, as in the comparison of the two pictures. When we really come to know the depth of our beauty, the heights of our potential and the endless possibilities we have in this lifetime, then we able to live confidently in our own skin. Today, we are blinded by societal standards and blocked by our own self-given boundaries. "I can't!" Or "I'm not good enough." The way you should view yourself is through the Lens of the Lord. The real thing. You are that sun with beaming rays, the green of the grass and the greatness of those mountains. An indescribable beauty, with unmatched detail and perfection all done from the fingertips of the Greatest.
I was feeling insecure about a job opportunity, but then realized if it is in fact meant to be, then it will materialize. With that acceptance, I found peace in knowing if the shoes seem to big to fill, ultimately, God has the final say in what I can truly achieve as He is my only promoter. He not only has the power to open closed doors, but to create pathways where deadend signs once were.
I am worthy. I am capable. I am perfectly made. It shouldn't be up to other people where we stand in this life. The power in it all comes from the realization that we are perfect...just how we are.
The day we die, hopefully we will not shake our heads at what could have been if we would have only acted out in faith while we lived, instead of just muttering it under our breath claiming to fully know its impact. Have faith that you are beautifully made inside-out, because your faith revolves around The Lord.
So while you may not always be in front seat to endless streams, crashing waterfalls, breathtaking sunsets and a green pastures...
The next time you want an accurate reflection of who you really are, don't just look in the mirror, but go outside and look around at the detail of a butterfly's wings, the beauty of a red rose sprouting or the simple, but massive blue sky. The same Artist that painted the beauty of this world...created you.
On an incredibly smaller scale, the works of Van Gogh and Picasso are inarguably masterpieces. No one would doubt the creations from either wouldn't be short of magnificent. So why question God's ability to create you with the same stroke of the brush that made the beauty of the world?
May you shake whatever is bringing you down today. Recognize your true beauty, your worth and your potential through Christ.
#Godspeed #crystalscorner #truebeauty #philippians4:13 #faith
Photo Credit: Adiyon Dominguez, Chad Ehlers
Saturday, June 28, 2014
When You Want Something, You Get It.
"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4