When You Want Something, You Get It.

Matthew 19:26

 

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

 

 * * * * *

 

 

Before the saying in the picture is taken out of context, I would like to explain where this saying has brought me this far in my life. These are just some of the instances. There's too many to list.

The first time I told myself, "When you want something, you get it!" I was 14-years-old. It was the cheerleader in me and the Christian in me coming together to create the perfect pep-talk for where I wanted my life to go. 

I focused on journalism in high school and even as a young teenager knew I was destined for that career path. I was incredibly intimidated by college, but I still wanted to do more. Something different. Another challenge. So I decided to take it one step further and leave town. I wanted to be the first of the six kids to continue my education at a different university, in a different city. The thing was, I had never been away from my tight-nit family before. I didn't have a car and I wasn't financially stable enough to be on my own at 18-years-old. But I promised myself I would stick to my short term goals in high school, so I could see that long term goal materialize. 

In my final years in high school, with the helpful advising from my journalism teacher, I told her and others that  I wanted to focus on sports broadcasting and one day work for ESPN. To some it sounded crazy, to those that knew me very well...it sounded like something I would say. To me -- consider it done. And not in the materialistic, bratty type of way. I'm talking hard work, long hours, tough days and an elbow-greasing work ethic. Because ultimately, what you think about you bring about.

Time flew by. "When you want something, you get it!" Was written on my text books, scribbled on notepads,  lip-lined on my mirrors and posted on my bulletin boards in my dorms. The most inspiring was when I would fall victim to the tough days, and my own words were thrown back at me by my family and friends. So I kept going and going. I interned at about every TV and radio station in that town.

 

 

 

It was tough relying on my roommates to drive me around. I decided  I wanted a car. It didn't make much sense considering I was a broke college kid. But it was too late. I said I wanted it. I was determined to get one.

 

The Lord answered, "I can do anything! Watch and you'll see my words come true." -Numbers 11:23

 

One day during summer break, I went to New Mexico with my parents to visit my sister. We drove a couple hours away to Santa Fe. I stared at the miraculous spiral steps that were made of wood, water and pegs. I was at the Loretto Chapel. No one knew the man who built the steps, but it is said Saint Joseph did it himself. The structure and design was beyond it's time and is still to this day considered a magnificent display, which in a way, floats up without any support. I stared. Those Sisters of the Chapel were in need of a staircase. But the church was to small to fit one to reach up to the space intended for the choir above. It just didn't make sense and wasn't going to work. But those Sisters, they didn't give up. They made a novena to St. Joseph, the patron saint of carpenters. Out of nowhere, a man came with minimal tools, created it and left, unpaid. This is where I believe, when you want something so badly and you place your prayers and petitions in front of the Lord, He will bless you inline with the desires of your heart and as He sees fit.

 

 

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." -Matthew 7:7

 

 

We prayed together and asked God to hear our prayers. To give us a sign. We went to the gift shop and I just wondered around, ready to make the trip back to Albuquerque. I came across this green, beaded rosary that hung right in front of me. It caught my attention. So I decided to buy it. When my sister saw what I was getting, she said, "Did you even read this? It's for a car's rearview mirror! Why don't you get a different one?" 

 

I looked down at it. I was shocked. I had no idea. But He did. I felt a strange amount of joy and hope. I smiled and confidently said, "I know. It's because I'm going to get a car in a couple of months. This is for my car."

 

She raised her eyebrows, tried to cover up a confused chuckle when she saw I was serious and then shook her head as to say okay, okay whatever.

 

A couple months later, I hung that green, beaded rosary in my red, 1999 Dodge Neon that I found on my own in great condition and paid in cash. Today, two cars later, this rosary still reminds me...

 

 

 

 

  * * * * *

My time in college away from home, was one of the biggest learning experiences of my life outside of the classroom. It toughened me up. Made me independent and molded me into who I am today.

 

And. Just. Like. That. 

 

I looked up at my entire family in the arena and walked across the stage in they city of Lubbock. I received my degree in Broadcast Journalism with a minor in Exercise and Sport Sciences from Texas Tech University. It worked. I got what I wanted.

 

A couple months later was my first TV gig in Amarillo. Then El Paso. Then I was hired by ESPN Dallas, and at the time it was owned and operated by Disney. In a huge sports city. The real deal. An amazing experience.

 

 

Then it was ESPN El Paso. Today, It's ESPN San Antonio. With a whole lot of little goals met in between. All because of that saying.

 

And now...

Whatever I pray, want, need, hope for and work hard for...

well, that's next.

 

;)

"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

 

 

 

#crystalscorner

 

The Lies

He told me I was ugly. He told me that I would never amount to anything. He said I was always sick, I needed to lose weight, I was not good enough and he said it with such conviction.

It happened every time I tried my best, saw a good day and felt a renewed sense of strength. He was there to remind me -- I was wrong. The second I believed him, only opened the door for his opportunity. He made it clear my talents were useless and I would not succeed in this life. He however, succeeded at pushing me back down and keeping me there. I knew I deserved better. So why did I find myself coming back to his trap?

I felt the weight of heavy chains on me. Holding me down. Anxiety poured through my body. I was being held hostage in my own bed. Not wanting to face another day. Thinking the worst and expecting the least. He was always there in the corner, prowling like a lion ready to devour me.

 I woke up one day feeling like I needed a new start. I needed to remind myself who I was and what I was capable of. I pulled out my new laptop. I sat on my couch, took a deep breath and just typed and typed. It was my therapy – writing. It allowed me to transfer my crowded thoughts for the time being and place them somewhere else. It was a chance to see them from a different angle. To share them and see who could relate. This often granted me some sort of sanity. It was the first three paragraphs above this one that I wrote that day in March. But he knew what I was up to. He knew my plan to expose him. To show everyone his true colors – or lack thereof. It was that last line “…to devour me” when my laptop froze. The cursor stopped blinking and the already cracked screen seemed to have malfunctioned. My laptop would not turn back on. I guess he saw what I was doing and put a stop to it.

I gave up. Fell back down the second I tried to come back up. I questioned the direction of my career and prayed hard about it. One thing went wrong and I let everything crumble down on me. But something kept telling me "Write, write, write." After ignoring it for so long I knew I had to be obedient. I didn't want to turn this 11-day trip into a 40-year journey. I even tried to take my laptop to get fixed with hopes to retrieve what I had written. Hoping it had saved. Not that it was much, but it was a start to a point I had to make. I sent my laptop to HP in Houston on its warranty. I prayed it could could be fixed. They deemed it a lost cause because of the damaged screen. When I got it back, I never took it out of the FedEx box. I just tucked it away in my closet. Oh well. I tried.

I laid in my bed. Way past morning. Did not care to get up, but so tired of sleeping. I reached for my phone and played the first online daily broadcast by Joyce Meyer that I saw. It didn’t take but a few seconds to hear it was talking to me. It wasn’t just her reaching out to her mass audience – it was God trying to get my attention. “Stop throwing yourself a pity-party! Get up! Quit talking about it, complaining about it and instead go do something about it!”

The reassurance from her audience was audible, but the reassurance I felt was tangible. I could feel God’s Spirit working in me. What happened to me was more than a coincidence, in fact my mother told us to take that word out of our vocabulary long ago. God spoke to me. He promised me. I had a choice. Believe it and see for myself or ignore it, lie back down and believe the lies.

I pulled out my laptop from the Styrofoam-filled box. Hoping for the best, I pressed the power key. Nothing. Oh, I should probably plug it in. I laughed. How stupid. Okay, hoping one more time. What if they did fix it and just didn’t tell me? Would someone be so nice? I had prayed about it. A faint blue light came on. It started to load. Wow. Thank You! Now the only thing on my mind was – did it save what I wrote?

With time and with the ability to confront him – I broke free from his grasp. I told him to leave me alone and never come back. He left. But I was still scared he would return when I least expected it – when I was at my most vulnerable. Today, I still have to look over my shoulder.

He may have robbed me of pleasant days, of peace in my relationships and of opportunities I otherwise would have challenged myself to. He had such a paralyzing hold on me, my words and my actions. I did things so out of character when he was around because I was so unhappy. He poisoned my thoughts and my heart. He tried to take over a life that wasn’t his. And to know the entire time, the one that truly loved me never gave up on me. He kept His promises. He was there all along, waiting for me to glance in His direction.

To this day, that liar has dared to show his ugly face in many different forms in my life. I have finally come to terms with how to handle his devious ways and it is not as complex as it seems. Always be prepared. I have a warfare of Words. So, it is written.

“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. You adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” -1 Peter 5:8

The proof is in what happens after that third paragraph. I kept pushing. He did not devour me. The second I tried to expose the lies of the enemy, he struck back. I am writing this from my broken laptop. I have succeeded in finally being able to share it with you after five months.

The next time you feel like everything is going wrong and everyone is against you -- more than likely it is just your adversary that is trying to bring you down. What will your reaction be? You do have a choice. Become angry? Quit? Blame everyone? Lock yourself in your room? Take your situation out on loved ones? Or will you recognize the deceit and battle the enemy’s lies with Words? Just one letter short of Swords.

The Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word

“I arise from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept me -- I arise to a new life! I shine [am radiant with the glory of the Lord], for my light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon me!” –Isaiah 60:1

Photo Courtesy: InGodsImage.com, WritingforRcovery.wordpress.com

Taken Back by Technology

I used to sit there, folding each note so precisely for myfriends. Learned a few tricks from my older brother and sister, of course.Thought I was real cool passing notes in school, in the hallways, during lunch andbefore 8^th period. Talking about everything that just went on andwriting about what was going to happen by the time the bell rang.

I remember when something went "viral" it was all thanksto “party line.” Yup, my parents added that to the phone bill because we were so cool. So I was able tocall more than one friend at a time. Don't get me started on Caller ID. Now that's when you knew you were moving on up.

I miss those days. I'm sick and tired of my computer screen, buttons, lights, rings, beeps, low batteries, processing and downloading. People in my business say, one day newspapers will be gone forever as media crosses into the digital world. I hope not. Holding something tangible to read is comforting. Using a bookmark to hold your place takes but a second. I can't remember the last time someone wrote me a letter and mailed it. I wonder if my nieces and nephews even know how to address an envelope.

Whelp, as the youngest of six kids, I realize I'm gettingold–er. My teenage niece, Niah Tyler, smiles politely, but giggles aloudwhen I ask if she’s heard of the latest…

“Yup, have it,” she says usually as she's glued to her iPhone.  

Wait a minute. I should have the edge on these kids when it comes to technology. But instead it shows how far technology has intertwined witheveryday classroom curriculum. For crying out loud, my 4-year old nephew knows how to pull up a website to play games and he can't even read yet. Forget ABC's he sure does know his URL's.

It's weird to think how we got by before cell phones. In high school, if I could have texted my friends before lunch to see where we were going to eat, I would have. But instead we just met by the tree in front of the school. If I could have texted my mom that I seriouslydidn’t feel good, then I wouldn't have needed a nurse’s pass. If I was stuck on a question during a final exam, then I would have texted...nevermind.

I digress. Oregon trail, anyone? Yup. I’m pretty good atshooting and hunting using up and down arrows. What about a pen pal? The good ol’ postal service delivering in impeccable time. My cousin was in shock when he saw my aunt pull out an encyclopedia to look something up. I'm sure he questioned why she wouldn't just Google it? I guess for kids now-and-days all that is obsolete.

I had my three-year-old niece, Leyla, crying on the phone to me because her “best cousin” Kiley didn’t have Skype installed yet. Are you kidding me? My sister Debra was so confused.

But to my surprise, I was happy to learn not everything has gone digital. I sat in my older sister’s living room. Surrounded by, wellsurround-sound speakers, a flat screen TV, every gaming system you can imagine andevery remote control device on deck. Nothing short of “Rosie” the robot walkingin and asking if I needed anything.

As it hit close to four o’clock that Friday, my sister’syoungest runs in.

“Mom!” He yelled like the most exciting thing took place inhis life as a third-grader.

“Tommy has the coolest pencil I have ever seen – ever!” Asmy nephew Elijah put his backpack, PSP and Android down on the the kitchen table.

"What does it do?” Mysister asked and looked at me confused.

“He has this pencil…that if you run out of the led, youlike keep pushing the eraser and like more led keeps coming out. Like youdon’t even have to sharpen it, mom! If we can, I want one.”

Did this boy just reference a mechanical pencil like it wasthe last of Steve Job’s inventions?

Hold up. Hearing that actually made me happy. Finally, going back to basics. History does repeatitself.

So while my nieces and nephews may not know what it’s liketo go to the office to use the school phone, write notes to friends or send a letter by mail. I was happy to see the following in their roomstoday:

 

It was good to see Seventeen Magazine was still going strong, that library books were still stamped and the Goosebumps collection has yet to get old.

Nonetheless, I find my nieces and nephews helping me out with my devices moreoften than not. On a side note, Oregon Trail MUST be at 7.0 by now?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mr. Right-Now

Approaching my thirties, still very young, yet feel like I may be on some sort of endangered species list, so to speak, when it comes to the last of my kind: An 80's baby without any...babies. Not married. Never been. No children. Single, yet trying to find the upside in the absence of what may be the biggest longing in our human nature: Companionship, comfort, security, happiness and quite simply unconditional love.  


Two serious relationships, the experience of meeting new people in college and a handful of awful dates later -- 

I've come to realize that love is one of the most complex emotions and experiences that we will ever know. One of the best and worst feelings. But should it be?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

                                                                        1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Heard that before? Hopefully, your eyes didn't just skim through it, but you truly took it in. We were put on this earth to love. There's so many ways to love. It takes on so many forms. It starts so early in our lives. The moment your newborn baby and you gaze into each others eyes for the first time. The unexplainable love for the two people who gave you life. The feeling you get when you see your first crush pass by your locker. The length a close friend goes to in order to put a smile on your face while it is soaked in tears. The tilt of your dog's head and wag of his tail when you get home from work. The joy in your heart sharing the same blood with those who shared the same womb with you as you were growing and the same room with you growing up. The butterflies you feel when a man gets down on one knee with tears in his eyes. Love.

But none of these reach their full capacity unless you love yourself first. If we don't love who we are, flaws and all, then we have nothing. If we don't learn to accept that God made us intricately, without mistakes, but beautifully inside and out - then we don't have anything to offer to those we want to share our love with. Simply put, you will not be able to see the full potential love has to offer if you do not love who YOU are first. Don't just love who you used to be. Don't wait to love who you want to become. But in this moment, if you seek true love from others, love yourself completely and honestly.

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."

 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

I know times have changed, but love doesn't have to. We don't have to let divorce rates, this generation that is plagued with custody battles and cheating define our future in love. My parents met in fourth grade because my dad was best friends with my mom's brother. Almost 43-years later they're still in love. My sister has seen the downside to love, the hurt in divorce and the pain in moving on. Yet in her early fourties, she will soon celebrate her second annivesary to a man that has changed her life, her world and made a house a home for her children. In the words of George Strait, I've never seen her look so good in love.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  

But the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13

There's a book my aunt gave me that has changed the way I feel about finding love when it comes to my next serious relationship. There's no deadline, ticking clock or weight from those around you questioning the absence of a ring on your left hand. I'm okay with where I'm at in life as a single woman and and have found I don't need to search for love. I don't need to accept any man that comes my way, that sends me a dozen roses or takes me to dinner. There are times I feel lonely. There are times I question if I will have children and those are the times I'm Letting GO of God instead of Letting Go and Letting God. His timing will be perfect and my heart will feel peace. But for now as I wait, I open this book and read:


It's not our job to search diligently for love as if it's life's scavenger hunt and we must not come out empty handed. The love of your life will find you when you least expect it. Perhaps it's someone you've known all your life, someone across the country that you otherwise thought you'd never cross paths with or the man or woman behind you in the grocery line of which you engage in simple conversation as you wait.


I believe I do have a soulmate. I don't regret the years I invested in either of my relationships. I'm not angry that 13 years later, I didn't see a return on what may some call an investment. What I did gain is the knowledge of what love felt like, what it could be like and what it shouldn't feel like. Without those experiences, I wouldn't know how to approach my next relationship whole-heartedly and knowing it takes hard work and dedication just like anything else that demands success.

Dating should be fun and exciting, but limited to those who deserve your worth and your time. Don't over-indulge your life with temporary people you know you can't see yourself walking down the aisle towards. Don't fill in the gaps of your love life like you would a resume. No need to explain to anyone why you are where you are in your love life. 

What opened my eyes, were the words of my best friend when I felt compelled to find love and in a hurry. I told her I was talking to someone, but didn't know if it could become of anything worthy. She said, "Let God guard your heart. Wait on Mr.Right and stop looking for Mr.Right-Nows!"

So right now, I've decided it's best not to be a part-time lover and it's best to let go of these almost lovers in my life. Real love will surface when we least expect it. True love is what we all hope for. Maybe it'll happen in my early fourties or maybe my future husband used to sit next to me in the fourth grade. But I pray whoever he is, wherever he is at, that at this very moment, God keeps him safe from harm, guides his paths and guards his heart...until we meet.

 A Fine Frenzy

"Almost Lover"

What to Expect, When You're Expecting...

Not a baby, I'm talking miracles.

This has nothing to do with morning sickness, trimesters or cravings -- but rather what to expect when you're expecting more from this life when times are troubling.

Take this moment. Think about a circumstance of which you feel is out of your control, a situation you have gotten yourself into that threatens to scar you for life or an illness a doctor tells you leaves you with only six months to live. Now breathe in a new frame of mind and exhale the overwhelming negativity this world engulfs you in on a daily basis. I hope what follows changes you, your mind and your life.

*****

Don't ever give up when life deals you a bad hand. There's always more than one way out. If you believe what everyone else is telling you is going to happen, you set yourself up to conform to the norm. Sometimes you may not be surrounded by the right crowd and their two cents may add up to nothing more than negativity and misery. Even pure reality gets in the way of hope, dreams and prayers. One of my favorite inspirational speakers/authors, Joyce Meyer, says it best: When you have a problem go to the THRONE not the PHONE.

While it's good to hear the advice of others or talk to someone who can relate to what you have endured, that shouldn't be your last stop in search of hope. It actually shouldn't be your first. Make daily pit stops with God. Check in. See if you're on the right path for that day. Speak aloud you're mess and await the Lord's message.

I have reached a point of maturity in my faith, where I can hear the voice of God. You've heard it too. But the key - is recognizing it. It sounds like my best friend's voice when she calls out of nowhere with encouraging words. How funny? How'd she know I needed that spiritual lift? It sounds like a voice on the television which seems to be talking to just me as I turn the channel at just the right time. It's an act of kindness from a complete stranger that looks at you like you've met before. Most typically, I hear the voice of God the clearest in complete silence.

It's time to break free from what's deemed the norm and patterns of this world and think positive beyond what your comfort zone allows. When you stay idle in life because you're afraid to take a leap of faith, you have fenced yourself in the ideals of this negative world. You stay still. You go nowhere.

The thought process of a realist is legit; conforming to all laws and rules. However, it's the life of a true believer that I want. I strive for. I know is possible. When I want something I get it and may I add - through the power of Christ.

When you're waiting for a miracle, sometimes it's hard not to give into the everyday realities and struggles of life reminding you, maybe you're in too deep. You've seen the results. You've read the statistics and you've heard history repeats itself. So why is your circumstance any different? Because quite simply -- you believe.

                               "We Walk By Faith, Not By Sight" 

                                                                                            2 Corinthians 5:7

The laws of gravity weigh us down. It's proven. If I let go of a glass vase it will fall apart and lay broken. But the laws of gravity must not hold us down. If I Let Go and Let God - my life will fall together.

When you roll out of bed mad at the day before it's begun, slapping the snooze button repeatedly and dreading the work or school day before your feet hit the ground -- I bet you're bound to stub your toe, spill your coffee and misplace your keys. 

Its the law of attraction. It's been said, what you think about you bring about. Your words are very powerful, so choose them wisely. A positive outlook on any situation in life gets you places beyond your highest expectations. My sister Monica, in her distinct and blunt way of saying things, reminded me in my weakness, "Remember you are a woman of God. When you wake up and your feet hit the ground you want the devil to say 'Oh Shhh! Crystal is awake!'" That's when you put the armor of God on.

        "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

                                                                                      1 Peter 5:8

I by no means, am not saying I don't fall victim to my carnal flesh. The ideals of this world. The temptations lingering at every corner or the negativity that drowns the airwaves and workplace. I have bad days. I hear my own complaints roll off my tongue too easily. But as long as I recognize it, and put a stop to it before it materializes into something bad, I can move forward and renew my faith in that moment.

“Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
                                                                                                                    Matthew 17-20

In the Bible, Matthew takes record that Jesus was not the only one to walk on water. In Matthew 14:22-33 it says Jesus asked Peter to get out of the boat and walk to Him. Jesus said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

Peter stepped out of the boat and walked toward Jesus. When he took his eyes off of Jesus and took notice of the terrible winds and waves he began to sink. He cried out to Jesus!

Immediately Jesus reached out and saved him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?

 *****

A plaque in my room reads, "When Life Gets to Hard to Stand...Kneel." I agree. I have learned that Jesus will save me when I cry out to Him, but I have also found the favor of the Lord at it's peak when I kneel down, give Him all the glory and thank Him instead of using Him as a backup plan. That's when I see God at His best. Replacing my mess-ups with miracles.

It's simply said, but it takes courage! So I hope you do not conform to the patterns of this world (Romans 12:2) or let gravity hold you down. I hope you step out of whatever boat is keeping you from the Lord and may you give birth to a new outlook and attitude on life when you're expecting -- your miracle.


"It's honest to God the most important song I’ve ever written in my life, and it has the fewest words..." John Mayer on his song Gravity

Goodbye

I've come to terms with the word "good-bye."

 
I've accepted that no matter what situation I'm in -- the separation anxiety may come, but I will not allow it to beat me. Most good-byes are temporary and those that seem final are bound to come full-circle at one point in your life or later. Whether it's dropping the kids off at school or seeing your loved one's name inscribed on a stone -- it's never final, just temporary.

 

If I only knew that when I was dealing with my first big bout with good-bye, I think my departure from family would have been less heartbreaking and scary when I left my hometown of El Paso to attend college at Texas Tech in Lubbock, Texas, some 10 years ago.

                                                               *  *  *  *  *

I couldn't believe I was actually going through with it. My dad closed the trunk to his car and finished loading my boyfriend's truck. I was off to Lubbock for college. What was I thinking? It was too late to turn back as we headed three hours into the road trip. Why didn't I just go to my hometown college UTEP? Ugh. My stomach was in knots and throughout the road trip my anxiety took front seat.

My parents, my boyfriend at the time and his father were dropping me off at my dorm room. The weekend flew by as they moved me in. My time with them was brief, and it was time to part. I didn't know anyone in town at that time, not even who my roommate was going to be. The four of us walked slowly up to the dorm building elevators. They walked me to my dorm room one last time. Every moment seemed too fast.

 

It was in that moment I thought my decision to leave home would surely consume me. I told my boyfriend's father goodbye first, then hugged my dad so tight and tried to hold in my tears while hiding my face in his shirt.

 

No one had ever left town for college in my family. We were all too close. Up until the moment I graduated my parents supported my decisions in high school. Once I told them I wanted to leave for college -- they didn’t seem thrilled. The local newspaper interviewed my mother with a headline that read "Leaving the Nest." The article revolved around teens of tight-knit Hispanic families who typically tended to stay close to the flock when it came to choosing a college. My mother was heartbroken, yet was quoted offering her support and trust in my decision to study elsewhere.  

During my final good-bye with my mother at my college dorm, I could see her lips quivering and tears rolling down her face. She hugged me so tight and kissed me on the cheek. She stepped back, looked at me and told me she was proud of me.

 

Why didn't I just go to UTEP?

 

I was the youngest of the six. Her baby was growing up too fast. They left me in the hallway to say bye to my boyfriend. How was a long distance relationship between us going to work? I hugged and kissed him goodbye.

 

As they all walked away, I lost it in the hallway. Why didn't I just go to UTEP? My mom came back out of the elevator to comfort me and for one last hug as if we would never see each other again. I closed the door to my dorm room. Stared out the window and watched them drive . . . home. I regretted my decision to leave town. That was and still is the hardest goodbye I have ever experienced. I have had my share of loss in my life in other ways but not by my choice. When it's your own decision to leave, doubt sets in.

 

"Thereafter, I became good at good-byes but that doesn't mean they ever truly left my heart feeling good. Leaving just got easier and more routine is all."

It was just a couple hours before I was getting ready to go live for a noon show at my first TV job in Amarillo. My phone rang. It was my sister. I'll call her later. I continued setting up my phone interviews when my cell phone rang again and again. It's my sister. This time my heart sank. I knew -- I just knew something was wrong.

 

After two strokes in three years, my grandma was in her last moments as the family slowly filed into the nursing home that day: whether it was leaving work early and trying to beat traffic or getting taken out of class early to give Grandma one last kiss. They were all there to say good-bye. I on-the-other-hand sat at my desk eight hours away from where she was in El Paso and stared at my phone.

 

I rushed to the airport and went through airport security a mess: mascara smeared from crying. I was worn out but still hopeful my flight was not going to be delayed one second. In a way, I was hoping to turn back the hands of time.

 

I sat staring at my carry-on. I couldn't even remember what I threw in it. I was waiting for my airplane to board. Getting frequent updates from my mother and brother letting me know how my grandma was doing. Although my brother stayed calm with me, I could hear it in his voice -- I wasn't going to make it home on time. He placed the phone against my grandma's ear. I closed my eyes, as tears rolled down my face forgetting I was amongst strangers. I told her how much I loved her. How much she meant to me. How much I wished I could be right there by here side. Her stroke compromised her ability to speak. I heard her try though. I heard her one last time. Then I said, "good-bye."

"I could hear it in his voice -- I wasn't going to make it home on time."

I sit here writing this at home in El Paso on my parent's computer. Finished with college, I'm back full circle. I'm living with my parents in the room I grew up, in the room I once cried to leave when I first went to college -- as I wait on where my career takes me next. But oddly, this typically loud and busy house is empty. Half of my siblings were relocated for their jobs within the last year. For those who have to be away from their kids, it's especially hard when your kids are too young to understand the concept of distance and time.

My point: whether it's by choice or out of your control, good-byes can build you or break you. If it's an airport that separates you, a break-up, the military, your job, divorce, custody or death -- good-byes are a consequence of your own decisions past and present or just a matter of time. They are inevitable, but some -- only temporary.

Crystal's Corner: A Decade Later

It started in high school: I became a writer.

 

I received an opportunity as a columnist for my high school newspaper. My column, "Crystal's Corner," allowed me to express my views on a wide-range of topics that reflected my perspectives as an eager teenager and a very mature young woman.

 

My column brought my views to the table as they were published in the middle of an eight-page publication called, "The Observer."

 

The two-years I wrote this monthly column opened my eyes to more than my byline regularly appearing in the corner of the newspaper but something bigger: the power of self-expression.

A decade later, I still find myself coming up with witty headlines, meaningful topics and writing brief leads in my head -- thinking ‘Oh this would have made for a good topic in "Crystal's Corner."

 

A few local newspaper awards, national journalism competitions, a degree and a couple news gigs later -- I still hear that teenage voice in my head dissecting news topics and encouraging me to write about the biggest and smallest encounters I've experienced in everyday life.

 

Crystal’s Corner was named by my high school journalism teacher, Donna Griffin, and came to an end the month I got my diploma.

Oddly, before the days of social media, I had many followers and ’Likes’ from peers that looked forward to next month’s issue of "Crystal's Corner." I had emails from strangers around the community and even teachers who were inspired by words from a teen who thought she knew everything. It probably wasn’t the prom story they could relate to but the underlying message of gratitude most of my stories carried.

 

Not that my story on my grandmother’s life was so different from their grandparents- but instead helped them realize there's no time to take family for granted. Reading back on a few of my columns, I too was a little impressed at the level of maturity my words held then. Did I really know what I was talking about?

 

Today, I can say - perhaps I had a point. Self expression was the hand I was dealt as a stubborn, talkative and debatable child.

I wrote for a couple small newspapers during my college years. But as a general assignment reporter, there was nothing creative for me about following the “pyramid” pattern and covering the five W’s. My mind was stuck on writing articles that inspired, triggered emotion and gave readers topics they could personally relate to.

I lost hope as a column writer when I no longer was the editor-in-chief of my high school newspaper. I was just another one of the hundreds of college students in my classes trying to be the next successful journalist.

In journalism, they say one of the biggest responsibilities of a reporter is to allow the people in the community to be heard -- those who otherwise would not have a voice.

 

Well, as a column writer --I felt it was my responsibility to be heard and to somehow inspire and encourage those in the community to have a voice. I always had a “When-you-want-something-you-get-it” type of attitude growing up. Still do. Believe me it pays off. While it’s a common theme in many of my articles, it’s also one of those, “I-should-take-my-own-advice" type of situations. I found myself skimming through a shoe box off old columns thinking, "How ironic - if I only knew now what I thought then."

With the swift advances in today’s technology- everybody seems to be at the top of their game. We have more self-acclaimed rappers, singers, reality stars, directors and journalists -- all thanks to venues like YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and ahem…Blogger.com.

So, here I am, on this website, giving "Crystal's Corner" a makeover -- a new lifeline with the realization this elite group of bloggers has somehow found a way to evolve into a respectable source.

As of this moment, my future as a television journalist lies in the hands of news and sports directors around the nation, so while I’m in limbo in the comfort of my hometown where most of my memories lay in my parent's house -- I'm inspired to write again. It's that 16-year-old inside me, nagging and pressing me to share with you my thoughts, my experiences, my faith and my opinion on a variety of topics of today and yesterday. So get ready. "Crystal’s Corner" is back. Enjoy.