Two serious relationships, the experience of meeting new people in college and a handful of awful dates later --
I've come to realize that love is one of the most complex emotions and experiences that we will ever know. One of the best and worst feelings. But should it be?
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Heard that before? Hopefully, your eyes didn't just skim through it, but you truly took it in. We were put on this earth to love. There's so many ways to love. It takes on so many forms. It starts so early in our lives. The moment your newborn baby and you gaze into each others eyes for the first time. The unexplainable love for the two people who gave you life. The feeling you get when you see your first crush pass by your locker. The length a close friend goes to in order to put a smile on your face while it is soaked in tears. The tilt of your dog's head and wag of his tail when you get home from work. The joy in your heart sharing the same blood with those who shared the same womb with you as you were growing and the same room with you growing up. The butterflies you feel when a man gets down on one knee with tears in his eyes. Love.
But none of these reach their full capacity unless you love yourself first. If we don't love who we are, flaws and all, then we have nothing. If we don't learn to accept that God made us intricately, without mistakes, but beautifully inside and out - then we don't have anything to offer to those we want to share our love with. Simply put, you will not be able to see the full potential love has to offer if you do not love who YOU are first. Don't just love who you used to be. Don't wait to love who you want to become. But in this moment, if you seek true love from others, love yourself completely and honestly.
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
I know times have changed, but love doesn't have to. We don't have to let divorce rates, this generation that is plagued with custody battles and cheating define our future in love. My parents met in fourth grade because my dad was best friends with my mom's brother. Almost 43-years later they're still in love. My sister has seen the downside to love, the hurt in divorce and the pain in moving on. Yet in her early fourties, she will soon celebrate her second annivesary to a man that has changed her life, her world and made a house a home for her children. In the words of George Strait, I've never seen her look so good in love.
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13
1 Corinthians 13
There's a book my aunt gave me that has changed the way I feel about finding love when it comes to my next serious relationship. There's no deadline, ticking clock or weight from those around you questioning the absence of a ring on your left hand. I'm okay with where I'm at in life as a single woman and and have found I don't need to search for love. I don't need to accept any man that comes my way, that sends me a dozen roses or takes me to dinner. There are times I feel lonely. There are times I question if I will have children and those are the times I'm Letting GO of God instead of Letting Go and Letting God. His timing will be perfect and my heart will feel peace. But for now as I wait, I open this book and read:
It's not our job to search diligently for love as if it's life's scavenger hunt and we must not come out empty handed. The love of your life will find you when you least expect it. Perhaps it's someone you've known all your life, someone across the country that you otherwise thought you'd never cross paths with or the man or woman behind you in the grocery line of which you engage in simple conversation as you wait.
I believe I do have a soulmate. I don't regret the years I invested in either of my relationships. I'm not angry that 13 years later, I didn't see a return on what may some call an investment. What I did gain is the knowledge of what love felt like, what it could be like and what it shouldn't feel like. Without those experiences, I wouldn't know how to approach my next relationship whole-heartedly and knowing it takes hard work and dedication just like anything else that demands success.
Dating should be fun and exciting, but limited to those who deserve your worth and your time. Don't over-indulge your life with temporary people you know you can't see yourself walking down the aisle towards. Don't fill in the gaps of your love life like you would a resume. No need to explain to anyone why you are where you are in your love life.
What opened my eyes, were the words of my best friend when I felt compelled to find love and in a hurry. I told her I was talking to someone, but didn't know if it could become of anything worthy. She said, "Let God guard your heart. Wait on Mr.Right and stop looking for Mr.Right-Nows!"
So right now, I've decided it's best not to be a part-time lover and it's best to let go of these almost lovers in my life. Real love will surface when we least expect it. True love is what we all hope for. Maybe it'll happen in my early fourties or maybe my future husband used to sit next to me in the fourth grade. But I pray whoever he is, wherever he is at, that at this very moment, God keeps him safe from harm, guides his paths and guards his heart...until we meet.
A Fine Frenzy
"Almost Lover"
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