A Sign From God

A friend called me while I was driving on a busy highway in Dallas. I pulled over and parked near a gas station because I could tell she was not doing well based on the tone in her voice. She said they found a lump in her breast. Her whole life flooded into her thoughts both past and future. What if I die?

She's young and never thought she could be dealing with a potential fight with cancer. She... told me they were going to test her the following day to see if it was benign or not. The anxiety in her voice was thick. I usually can talk and talk, but I was at a loss for words. I didn't know how to comfort her. I didn't want silence between us.

I stared at the digital sign that displayed gas prices. It read,"3.17."

Please God give me the words! At that very moment the price changed in front of my eyes and so did the silence.  It now read,"3.16." Literally, He gave me a sign. Wow. 

It all came to me. John 3:16. I told her God gave His only begotten son so that we may have eternal life. ETERNAL LIFE. Why must we be so scared when disease and illness come knocking at our door? Young or old. He tells us not to fear. He won't give us anything we can't handle. I understand our human flesh falls victim to negative thoughts, anxiety and we fear the unknown. It is frightening to think we might have a serious disease that could lead to death. But...We will not perish. I didn't tell her, "Don't worry you don't have cancer." Because that's not something I knew. But I do know our God is bigger than all of that and has already conquered our battles. So I did tell her no matter what happens, it's going to be okay. Jesus died so that we would live. I was reminded of the bigger picture through John 3:16. 

 My message wasn't about the possibility of death based on her circumstance. It was about the opportunity of life no matter what. That next day she told me it was benign. I was happy for her. That was a couple months ago. Today she has another appointment. She asked me to pray for her. I did. But no matter what -- she WILL be okay. 

It's a strange way to see things. But when you look at the bigger picture, it all becomes so clear. Why do we fear death? I recognize we don't want to lose people here on Earth that we want with us. But I'd rather look at the glass half full. It's an invitation to Heaven and who am I to tell God when I'm coming Home? When you're going Home? Whether it's one breath and your newborn leaves your arms or 100 years and your parents time here is over, their lives have truly just begun. Life proceeds death and death proceeds -- the afterlife. 

I sat in my car. We both felt a amazing sense of comfort not just in what John 3:16 represents, but because God told us He was right there with us. Even in two different cities, He was a part of our conversation. He gave me the message to relay to her through a sign.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

The Lies

He told me I was ugly. He told me that I would never amount to anything. He said I was always sick, I needed to lose weight, I was not good enough and he said it with such conviction.

It happened every time I tried my best, saw a good day and felt a renewed sense of strength. He was there to remind me -- I was wrong. The second I believed him, only opened the door for his opportunity. He made it clear my talents were useless and I would not succeed in this life. He however, succeeded at pushing me back down and keeping me there. I knew I deserved better. So why did I find myself coming back to his trap?

I felt the weight of heavy chains on me. Holding me down. Anxiety poured through my body. I was being held hostage in my own bed. Not wanting to face another day. Thinking the worst and expecting the least. He was always there in the corner, prowling like a lion ready to devour me.

 I woke up one day feeling like I needed a new start. I needed to remind myself who I was and what I was capable of. I pulled out my new laptop. I sat on my couch, took a deep breath and just typed and typed. It was my therapy – writing. It allowed me to transfer my crowded thoughts for the time being and place them somewhere else. It was a chance to see them from a different angle. To share them and see who could relate. This often granted me some sort of sanity. It was the first three paragraphs above this one that I wrote that day in March. But he knew what I was up to. He knew my plan to expose him. To show everyone his true colors – or lack thereof. It was that last line “…to devour me” when my laptop froze. The cursor stopped blinking and the already cracked screen seemed to have malfunctioned. My laptop would not turn back on. I guess he saw what I was doing and put a stop to it.

I gave up. Fell back down the second I tried to come back up. I questioned the direction of my career and prayed hard about it. One thing went wrong and I let everything crumble down on me. But something kept telling me "Write, write, write." After ignoring it for so long I knew I had to be obedient. I didn't want to turn this 11-day trip into a 40-year journey. I even tried to take my laptop to get fixed with hopes to retrieve what I had written. Hoping it had saved. Not that it was much, but it was a start to a point I had to make. I sent my laptop to HP in Houston on its warranty. I prayed it could could be fixed. They deemed it a lost cause because of the damaged screen. When I got it back, I never took it out of the FedEx box. I just tucked it away in my closet. Oh well. I tried.

I laid in my bed. Way past morning. Did not care to get up, but so tired of sleeping. I reached for my phone and played the first online daily broadcast by Joyce Meyer that I saw. It didn’t take but a few seconds to hear it was talking to me. It wasn’t just her reaching out to her mass audience – it was God trying to get my attention. “Stop throwing yourself a pity-party! Get up! Quit talking about it, complaining about it and instead go do something about it!”

The reassurance from her audience was audible, but the reassurance I felt was tangible. I could feel God’s Spirit working in me. What happened to me was more than a coincidence, in fact my mother told us to take that word out of our vocabulary long ago. God spoke to me. He promised me. I had a choice. Believe it and see for myself or ignore it, lie back down and believe the lies.

I pulled out my laptop from the Styrofoam-filled box. Hoping for the best, I pressed the power key. Nothing. Oh, I should probably plug it in. I laughed. How stupid. Okay, hoping one more time. What if they did fix it and just didn’t tell me? Would someone be so nice? I had prayed about it. A faint blue light came on. It started to load. Wow. Thank You! Now the only thing on my mind was – did it save what I wrote?

With time and with the ability to confront him – I broke free from his grasp. I told him to leave me alone and never come back. He left. But I was still scared he would return when I least expected it – when I was at my most vulnerable. Today, I still have to look over my shoulder.

He may have robbed me of pleasant days, of peace in my relationships and of opportunities I otherwise would have challenged myself to. He had such a paralyzing hold on me, my words and my actions. I did things so out of character when he was around because I was so unhappy. He poisoned my thoughts and my heart. He tried to take over a life that wasn’t his. And to know the entire time, the one that truly loved me never gave up on me. He kept His promises. He was there all along, waiting for me to glance in His direction.

To this day, that liar has dared to show his ugly face in many different forms in my life. I have finally come to terms with how to handle his devious ways and it is not as complex as it seems. Always be prepared. I have a warfare of Words. So, it is written.

“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. You adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” -1 Peter 5:8

The proof is in what happens after that third paragraph. I kept pushing. He did not devour me. The second I tried to expose the lies of the enemy, he struck back. I am writing this from my broken laptop. I have succeeded in finally being able to share it with you after five months.

The next time you feel like everything is going wrong and everyone is against you -- more than likely it is just your adversary that is trying to bring you down. What will your reaction be? You do have a choice. Become angry? Quit? Blame everyone? Lock yourself in your room? Take your situation out on loved ones? Or will you recognize the deceit and battle the enemy’s lies with Words? Just one letter short of Swords.

The Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word

“I arise from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept me -- I arise to a new life! I shine [am radiant with the glory of the Lord], for my light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon me!” –Isaiah 60:1

Photo Courtesy: InGodsImage.com, WritingforRcovery.wordpress.com

Taken Back by Technology

I used to sit there, folding each note so precisely for myfriends. Learned a few tricks from my older brother and sister, of course.Thought I was real cool passing notes in school, in the hallways, during lunch andbefore 8^th period. Talking about everything that just went on andwriting about what was going to happen by the time the bell rang.

I remember when something went "viral" it was all thanksto “party line.” Yup, my parents added that to the phone bill because we were so cool. So I was able tocall more than one friend at a time. Don't get me started on Caller ID. Now that's when you knew you were moving on up.

I miss those days. I'm sick and tired of my computer screen, buttons, lights, rings, beeps, low batteries, processing and downloading. People in my business say, one day newspapers will be gone forever as media crosses into the digital world. I hope not. Holding something tangible to read is comforting. Using a bookmark to hold your place takes but a second. I can't remember the last time someone wrote me a letter and mailed it. I wonder if my nieces and nephews even know how to address an envelope.

Whelp, as the youngest of six kids, I realize I'm gettingold–er. My teenage niece, Niah Tyler, smiles politely, but giggles aloudwhen I ask if she’s heard of the latest…

“Yup, have it,” she says usually as she's glued to her iPhone.  

Wait a minute. I should have the edge on these kids when it comes to technology. But instead it shows how far technology has intertwined witheveryday classroom curriculum. For crying out loud, my 4-year old nephew knows how to pull up a website to play games and he can't even read yet. Forget ABC's he sure does know his URL's.

It's weird to think how we got by before cell phones. In high school, if I could have texted my friends before lunch to see where we were going to eat, I would have. But instead we just met by the tree in front of the school. If I could have texted my mom that I seriouslydidn’t feel good, then I wouldn't have needed a nurse’s pass. If I was stuck on a question during a final exam, then I would have texted...nevermind.

I digress. Oregon trail, anyone? Yup. I’m pretty good atshooting and hunting using up and down arrows. What about a pen pal? The good ol’ postal service delivering in impeccable time. My cousin was in shock when he saw my aunt pull out an encyclopedia to look something up. I'm sure he questioned why she wouldn't just Google it? I guess for kids now-and-days all that is obsolete.

I had my three-year-old niece, Leyla, crying on the phone to me because her “best cousin” Kiley didn’t have Skype installed yet. Are you kidding me? My sister Debra was so confused.

But to my surprise, I was happy to learn not everything has gone digital. I sat in my older sister’s living room. Surrounded by, wellsurround-sound speakers, a flat screen TV, every gaming system you can imagine andevery remote control device on deck. Nothing short of “Rosie” the robot walkingin and asking if I needed anything.

As it hit close to four o’clock that Friday, my sister’syoungest runs in.

“Mom!” He yelled like the most exciting thing took place inhis life as a third-grader.

“Tommy has the coolest pencil I have ever seen – ever!” Asmy nephew Elijah put his backpack, PSP and Android down on the the kitchen table.

"What does it do?” Mysister asked and looked at me confused.

“He has this pencil…that if you run out of the led, youlike keep pushing the eraser and like more led keeps coming out. Like youdon’t even have to sharpen it, mom! If we can, I want one.”

Did this boy just reference a mechanical pencil like it wasthe last of Steve Job’s inventions?

Hold up. Hearing that actually made me happy. Finally, going back to basics. History does repeatitself.

So while my nieces and nephews may not know what it’s liketo go to the office to use the school phone, write notes to friends or send a letter by mail. I was happy to see the following in their roomstoday:

 

It was good to see Seventeen Magazine was still going strong, that library books were still stamped and the Goosebumps collection has yet to get old.

Nonetheless, I find my nieces and nephews helping me out with my devices moreoften than not. On a side note, Oregon Trail MUST be at 7.0 by now?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Kind of Heartache I Long For

I was in line at Wendy's during lunch. Just a junior in high school with my friends trying to "act cool." As I stood in line I stared at such a familiar face waiting by the entrance, not sure if she remembered me and not even sure if I was certain I knew her.

But I thought I'd try anyway. An older man walked up to her grabbed her hand and helped her out. That's when I knew for sure it was them. My Uncle Tom and Aunt Mary.

He embraced me with a hug and a smile...a real big smile. She smiled too but seemed a little confused as to who I was. He told her,"It's Hilda's daughter! The youngest." She smiled politely and nodded.

I look back at that and now know at that time she had been through a stroke. That's why she was puzzled when I approached them. He stayed by her side and had taken care of her every single day as he promised -- through sickness and in health.

We all called him "Uncle Tom." That's who he was, even though in my early teenage years I found out he was actually my grandma's little brother. So really he was my mom's uncle -- a great uncle to me -- and that's for sure!

He was there when I said bye to my grandma. It was so nice to see a part of her walking around lifting others spirits. He said bye to his sister, but cradled us in conversation. In the midst of the sadness that day he told me,"Come home to El Paso so we can watch you here! Where your family is!" I was a news reporter in Amarillo at the time. I smiled, but never saw myself coming back home to work in my hometown.

My Aunt Mary's condition dwindled as the years went on. He never left her side. He took care of her and in his 70s, it took a toll on him as well. Tending to his wife for every need. Every single need. Real love. They grew old together and a couple years ago we lost her. But he lost a piece of him that we would never get back.

I've been through my share of heartache. From a high school sweetheart to a college crush and all hurt the same. A weight on my chest like I'd never be able to breathe again. But I found you get stronger. You move on. That's because it wasn't meant, because I believe soul mates last forever.

My Uncle Tom died of a broken heart this morning. I stared and watched my mother tell me sometimes you just miss your wife or husband sooo bad your heart just goes. Tears gracefully rolled down her cheeks. I held my mom and stared at my dad sleeping on the bed next to her.

If ever there's a heartache I long for: It'll be one where I've lived my whole life, but leave this earth because my soul mate takes my breath away.

My grandma and my Aunt Mary have their husband and brother back.

I hold onto to the card my Uncle Tom wrote me while I was in Dallas. In his obscure and messy cursive handwriting, that after a while takes a uniform pattern just like my grandma's did, he tells me to keep on pushing in my career.

Well, Uncle Tom, I'm back home in El Paso. I'm certain you're watching over all of us. After all, that is what family is all about.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28 KJV

"The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."

Psalm 34:17,18 KJV